wow. i didn’t think i would stump carleigh that bad.
L.
photo by: what's-her-face davey
ah bedroom royalty.
a slightly blurry king and his crown.
something in his hand.
and a dresser.
And what looks like a potential leap-off-the-dresser-in-”lets-go-to-the-ER-at-9am”-kind-of-way.
all the makings of a normal, NORMAL day.
i love those days. it beats pretending to be a grown-up day.
i know. its a lame post. the guilt was eating me alive. ALIVE i tell you.
THE END
photo by Lana
the more i examine this photo the more i hear stories in my head (yes, i hear stories in my head) about a
missing mother and child
their remains to be discovered by forensic anthropologist, temperance brennan, perfectly preserved in an ice bearg.
brennen or “bones” would peer into the ice and
suggest that the two individuals,
both in the 31/2 – 38 years age category,
were positively attached (both literally and figuratively)
that the third individual on the right,
although attached, was not human, thus age is not a known on sight (will have to be sent to lab).
the individuals seem to have been non-resistant at the time of the freezing…
which can mean only one thing….
foul play.
duh duh duuh.
…
unfortunately… this is just a story in my head
and the truth of this photo is
that this is how aliens see humans.
they can’t see skin.
only
bones.
and apparently fabric.
so this shot must be from a nude beach.
there!
case solved!
by carleigh
I was obsessed with Star Wars as a child. The originals. Not these prequel ones or the ones that were changed to make it look like Han Solo shot Greedo in self-defence. I’m talking about the 1977 one with the bad computer graphics and shooting bounty hunters first and making one-liners after. The classic movie where I didn’t know that Luke had a thing for his sister… although, to be fair, he didn’t know that at the time, either.
I wanted to be Luke with his cool sword made out of light. I wanted to be able to use The Force! I wanted to move things with my mind and make them come into my hand. Things like that stuffed animal across the room. Or my fork. Or my school books.
I tried using The Force everywhere. On my parents. On the dog. On that glass of orange juice that I wanted to suddenly jump into the air and spill itself all over my sister.
I attempted to use The Force for most of my life. My parents tried to get me to stop. So did my teacher. Not even the bullies at school could stop me in my quest — not even when they dunked my head in the toilet and hit the flush button. I still believed I could harness the power of The Force.
On my 16th birthday, my parents finally realized the error of their ways. As a present, they gave me a special ring signifying my deep connection with The Force: a Jedi Mood Ring. It came from the Jedi Council, so you know it’s real.
I’m older now, but I still wear that ring. It ensures that I don’t take the easy path of the Dark Side. I still can’t move anything or make anyone choke on their own tongue, but that doesn’t stop me from trying. One day, dammit, it’ll happen!! I’ll be a Jedi.
Sam “on a tropical beach, suckers” Kirk
Photo by Lana
as long as i can remember i’ve been coming up with good ideas for new products.
or “inventions.”
i must get this from my great grandmother “fern”.
she was an inventor as well.
while she was alive she was able to secure a patent for a product proudly called flab-be-gones.
pretty much – panty hose for the arms secured at the wrist with the decorative bracelet.
i wish i had the photo.
because there is a photo…
of my 60 something, late, great grandmother standing unashamed in her brazier, modeling her super great idea.
i think it was a polaroid.
anyway… back to prawn cheese spread,
it so happens often, that i will have an idea in my head for something only to discover the product already exists.
i have been thinking about prawn cheese spread ever since i was 7 years old
(when i officially declared that i hate pb&j).
what i really hankered for was a little prawn cheese spread on toast with dill pickles.
thank you very much.
some of my other too-late ideas include:
debit cards
disposable wet naps
and
post-its.
truth and lies by: carleigh- that was too easy -davey
photo by carleigh
Coming soon to theaters everywhere:
Honey, I Shrunk the Army
From the creators of “Honey, I shrunk the kids” comes the thrilling new movie of espionage, shrinkage, and a bit of kool-aid.
Wayne Szalinski is a crazy scientist, working for the US Army, who recovers his old miniaturizing machine. When his new boss accidently sets off the machine’s laser, it begins working. Wayne’s boss, an entire flight of apache helicopters, and 100 troops end up becoming tiny.
Wayne accidentally sweeps them up and puts them out with the garbage, so the army then have to travel through the thick garbage back which is at the beach at the time, braving picnics, beach volleyball, dogs, ants and the ocean.
Lana “I didn’t say it would be a blockbuster” Anderson
oh how i wish i could have been privy to the first part of this conversation…
unfortunately i missed it.
“… and that’s why i’m letting you go”
said big bear to
downcast ex-bear.
“if you are going to ride in the brawling bear biker gang you must wear your furry bear skins with pride.”
“none of this smooth leather heiny stuff. it’s how we roll and you know that!”
to which ex- bear replied.
“i just don’t get it.”
growlings by: carleigh-what are the rules again?-davey
photo by carleigh
What most of you don’t know, is that the original glam-rock, 80′s rock band Twisted Sister originated from these two. Twister Sister originally thought the band name should be “This”, but after meeting these two, they unanimously voted that it should be Twisted Siblings.
Realizing that Twisted and Sister rhymed, they quickly changed it to what we know know as “Twisted Sister”. Because they refused to admit that the name came from these unfortunate-looking individuals, and needing to be more “shock oriented”, they made up a story that it came from “Sick Mother Blank Friends of Twister Sister”.
The band went on to turn out the hits like “I wanna rock” and “We’re not gonna take it” (a personal favorite of mine).
L “better than a pass” A
photo by Lana
(first, let me say – hats off to you lana – this one’s a gold nugget)
ah yes. i know exactly what this is.
if i am not mistaken,
this is a current example of what use to be a regular practice in regards to defecating infants (no pun intended)… in the romance period .
as in, i read about it in one of my mom’s romance novels by jude deveraux – knight in shining armor (i believe).
apparently, when a castle was experiencing hardship such as inadequate staffing, which was common, they would simply hang the infants on the wall to keep them preoccupied and out of harms way.
here, let me explain. say the wet nurse moonlights in the laundry shed. before she would go fold petty-coats, she would carefully swaddle the infant snug and secure, leaving a hole at the bottom and hang him or her on a hook thus allowing excrement to fall to the ground. although the infant would be temporarily deprived of physical contact, stimulation and circulation, it was not a totally inhumane option considering the circumstances (another example: fiery darts = all staff to defend the moat).
you can see from the photo above, babies don’t mind hanging out on the wall from time to time. and although now we need not leave a hole for excrement (thanks mainly to the invention of pampers) it is not a bad idea for keeping your infant safe and from eating cat food and drinking toilet water.
i may try it tomorrow.
verbal nonsense: by carleigh
Lana Anderson
carleigh davey
